User blog:DukeOfDragonzz/Battle Cats... In real life?!

Eyy pals. This just something I really wanted to do. What if the Battle Cats ACTUALLY EXISTED? That would be so cool. But it would be......

Yeah.

So let's get started.

PART 1: THE INVASION
So anyway, you just wake up, and you start brushing your teeth. It's a beautiful day outside. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming, but suddenly...

You look outside and apparently a bunch of fat cats are just marching through your backyard. Why? Well, why not?

You thought it was just that, but suddenly, there are a bunch of taller cats, cats with axes stuck in them, cats with highly disproportionate legs, and even cats that are apparently cows.

Surprising? Yes, but even more surprising is that no one else really notices the "cat" legion marching across town.

You are interested, so you drink this existing invisibility potion and start to follow the cats.

Then you see the cats walking, and turning left, left, left again, and they keep turning left.

Then the obvious leader goes right, but the rest are mesmerized and they go left for a couple more hours.

After they are done with left, they go right. Then the leader stops at the convenience store.

All the cats follow him. The leader buys some cotton candy. He pays for it with money.

After that, the cats just march forward for a little while, then they pile on top of each other and fall asleep. No one apparently notices the giant cat mountain.

When you wake up, the cats just start moving on. But suddenly, a dog comes. He looks sorta like the Doge meme, but not really.

The cats easily shrek the Dog. They continue.

Apparently, the cats really like exploring. They just wander around in circles. One of them decides to grab a lady and climb a building.

The army just leaves him behind. Now he's stuck on a skyscraper. He realizes there is no point to his life, and he decides to jump off. He manages to survive somehow. Then he gets hit by a car and launched into space.

Now the army... Wait I'm narrating from the wrong spot. The army's not here. Don't judge me! I was too busy talking about Kat Kong.

Okay, I found them. Now I call off my rescue squad and decide the narrate about you, the main character of this story who has not been mentioned in a while.

Now you get really tired of following the cats around. They are horrible at navigating, so they often take you back to places you've been before. Also there are more cats in the army. Now there's birds, fish, Lizards, buff cats, rectangles, Knights, cats with... beautiful, hypnotizing legs, and even a giant who is apparently too good to wear clothes.

After the journey ends, they lead you to an amazing location, the location that will reveal the secret of the cats, a place that makes you so in awe that your eyes become the size of saucers. A place where the chickens roam free. (You know. Why not.)

Just kidding, they brought you back to your house.

So you're not happy that you went all this way for no reason, but you're even more angry that the cats are having a party in your house. Even though they can barely even fit.

The cats could probably kill you in like, 4.782974462772828288377473762627789290299446663141542066690011337674892929198838901001019393948889913120789910198877477474478929190101039994884857575775772728181882929299292992020030404994949 seconds, so you wait outside while the cats destroy everything you worked for.

The next day, the cats are all drunk. It's really entertaining to watch. They all just wander around randomly, saying stuff like, "Hey, you ever notice that we're cats?" "Really? Then wow!"

Normal cat talk.

The few cats who actually care about their mission wander away, and the rest, well, let's just say that they got set on fire and spontaneously combusted into spaghetti. Because this is my story, let's just go with that.

Also, now every cat is there. I don't feel like listing them all because that would take forever. I don't have forever.

But oh, no. Intense music is playing, and then a giant head is going towards the units. It may be slow, but the slowest stuff is always the most dramatic and powerful. In 10 hours, it would meet the cats at the end of the street... maybe.

The cats just leave because no one has forever, as I mentioned before.

But it's dinner time now. The cats all want noodles. So they buy 80,000 pounds of noodles, and put it in the microwave, they wait and wait, then enemies attack. The noodles are the top priority, so the cats just wait and wait.

The enemies realize that since the cats don't care about noticing them, they need to leave. But then the noodles are done, and now it's battle time.

Dun. Dun. Dun. Dun-dun-dun-dun. Dun. Dun. Dun-dun-dun...

The cats won.

So then, why don't we continue?

The cats eventually decide to make some progress because nothing much happened yet. They get to the White House. Luckily, the cat leader made an appointment with Obama. Then they had a meeting.

You eavesdrop on the meeting. The cat says random things you can't understand. Then you hear Obama say, "No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. NO. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Yes."

The cats are really mad, so they kill Donald Trump. Why wouldn't they do that? Also, the Democrats are throwing a party now that Trump is dead. The cats go there.

''If you know nothing about U.S. Politics, you can skip this. If you do, this might almost seem half-decent.''

"You heard about the Democrat party tonight?"

Schneerps was immediately convicted of advertising government events, which isn't a crime. It is in this place, though.

So then the guests of honor, the cat army, arrives. You tag along and say you're with them. You feel like part of the army now.

Then Hillary Clinton has a speech. You get really bored, so you don't hear anything except, "Jokers on the left, clowns on the rights, but instead, you're stuck in the middle with meeee!"

(I don't have a funny Bernie Sanders thing, so just imagine a T-Rex making a bed. That should probably compensate.)

Eventually, the Democrats decide to make Nyanko Leader the Democrat nominee.

In November, he is now the President.

The enemies have always tried to stop the cats. Why? Because cats taste good. I mean, they probably don't, but who knows? Last guy who tried to eat one got arrested. If you try to eat a cat, PETA will attack you. I forgot why I put this in.

So Nyanko Leader is president. He fires the entire government and replaced them with cats. Vice President Tanky Wanky Cat said, "So, what should we do tonight?"

Nyanko leader says, "The same thing we do every night. Try to take over the world."

They try to take over the world. Now it's just like the video game! Only you can't play it, and it can kill you. Good deal.

The hummus humans and the enemies cannot stop the cats, especially the one with the bow. Oh, God. That guy. The most powerful cat of all time. The jamestic Archer Cat.

Not even Teacher Bun Bun can stop him. His not really explode-y fists don't even touch him. Don't mess with Texas Archer Cat.

So now the world is overrun by cats. The humans are now slaves to the cats. PETA is having a slave celebration. (I can't believe I've mentioned PETA twice, and I've never mentioned Katniss.)

PART II: THE REBELLION
Just one part per blog. Don't get greedy.

Anyway, please tell me how you liked this. You'll probably either like it or hate it. Please tell me if it sucks so I can make it better.

....I Love you.