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Cats of the Cosmos Opening
Cats of the Cosmos Ending

New Years Day, 20XX.
On the way home, I began to wonder...

How many years had it been since
the Great Cat War began?
And yet, it feels like
I never hear from you anymore.
Not even on my birthday.

The cat's meow... out-of-this-world...
most righteous... top-shelf...
king of the hill... the big cheese...

No words can express
the awesomeness that is me.

I guess people are just afraid to get
too close to true perfection?

But wait...
I just thought of something!!

Could it be? Am I asking for too much
from you, my lovely believers?

My bad (lol)



I heard that lately the most popular
holiday destination is outer space.
All the celebs are going.

For some reason everyone is totally
fascinated with Alien fashion.
It's the biggest fad of 20XX.

You didn't hear it from me, but
the radiance of the Alien empire
reaches even my neighborhood.

Well, those space guys still can't
compete with my glory, of course.


It gets pretty exhausting, being
followed around by crowds of
stylish people begging for your attention.
Such is my burden...

The question I get asked most:
"Where are your trousers?"
But telling would spoil the surprise.


OH!

Here's some big news.
I just passed by the Cats who headed
out into deep space.

They had some really important
information for all of you.


Those Aliens... they're actually
not such bad guys after all!
They're just normal folks like
you might run into in your hometown


Still, the Cats have to invade somewhere.
And so, the next adventure of
The Battle Cats begins now!!!

And so...
The Cat Empire achieved total
domination of the entire universe.

A splendid galactic federation
by the Cats, for the Cats.
The cosmos achieved total peace,
and unlimited cat food for all.

... that's the official story, but
the reality is a little different.
Everyone's daily life didn't
actually change one bit.

The one weird thing is that all
constellations now look like cats.
Cats, and only cats.

Or maybe its just me?

Actually, I was at a New Years Party
for the Cat Army and Alien Empire.
I only went to be polite, but...

These Cats and Aliens just turned
their backs and ignored me, talking
about time travel, mind control, and
all kinds of obscure technical topics.
At some point, the world went blurry...

I must have had one seltzer too many

because when I came to I was alone.

Actually, I think that was nice of them
not to wake me, because I felt very
well rested for a week after.



Oh yeah, that's right.

I was free one Tuesday, so I went
to the battlefield with the Cat Army
to kill some time.

I haven't had such a good time
since grade school gym class.

What, you believed me?
Of course I'm not serious.

Well, as the Cat God, I can't just
leave those guys to lose, right?

And you... you did great, kid.
I'm going to grant your dearest wishes.
No, not that one, you creep.

You'll see what I mean. Anyhow.


Congratulations to The Battle Cats!

Thank You Battle Cats!

Onward...
to the realm of legends!



Theend

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